Friday, November 08, 2013

Organic perpetual motion machine.

I am always in motion. This is something I kind of knew since I'm always drumming, or swaying or nodding or any of a million other things, but a few times in the last weeks it's come out that I am probably abnormally kinetic. I have no idea why, maybe that's why I run a little hot? Is it all the excess energy trying to escape? I was told I look like someone set to explode from all the energy bouncing around within my frame—hopefully they meant that in a kinetic but nonviolent way of reading "explode"—and this was something I, lacking a full length mirror at al times, was completely unaware of.

It's not impatience; I can sit still and focus for hours reviewing documents or developing creative ideas. I do worry it might be read that way during conversation though so I'm actually actively trying to monitor that. But how did I get four decades in without really realizing ashy of this? It's not for lack of self-reflection, that's for sure! It does set comments that have filtered through over the years in a new light and explain why people thought I walked funny (I walk really fast, and must have a gait that reflects that cartoonishly at times) or thought I was nervous in a social setting (I may be initially shy but nervous isn't the word to ascribe me and I usually counter that with bluster shortly after scoping out a situation) or was just annoyed within an inch of their being and on the edge of screaming if my fingers and feet filled out one more drum fill on my desk or steering wheel. And I know there have been times I was DJing where I was jumping up so high my feet almost kicked the mixer across the room. There are a million examples.

So I have a lot of energy. An unusual amount of energy. What does that mean though? Does it explain anything about me? Offer any clues to my personality I maybe overlooked but everyone else sees plainly? 

I don't know. Now excuse me, I have some air drumming to do.

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