A date night with myself.So last night I stayed in, made some popcorn, and watched some movies. Well, watched
one movie and re-watched most of
another since I slept through portion of it the first time I tried to get through it. This is one reason one should not attempt to start a movie at 10 p.m. after having a few drinks at a friend's friend's birthday party.
* It was a much needed reprieve, lemme tell you.
I've mentioned I'm a bit of a social animal, but I don't think it's ever really occurred to me what an aberration I really am. I was grousing about folks missing my DJ sets a few weeks ago when one wise friend said to me, "Dude, I consider myself to have a busy social life, but I don't know ANYONE who is as busy as you are." Then a few days later I saw an old friend who was stupefied that I look, well, almost the exact same as I did when he met me over 15 years ago. And so on.
Folks go out more than me, sure, so I suppose this is all only stunning in light of the fact the folks that go out more than me work in bars or clubs and I don't. And I have no interest in doing so. It's just that I'm restless, and like to be occupied, and the things that make me happiest are music and DJing, so doesn't it make sense I'd do a lot of that when not attending to the responsibilities of the 9-to5?
Then there's the fact that I just like being social. Which, if you think about it is sort of weird, since I tend to always feel like an outsider, no matter what group I'm hanging out with. I'm going to guess that's a holdover from my youth, when I
knew a lot of different types of crowds but didn't really fit into any one of them too comfortably. And then, of course, in high school I just took the full-on eccentric kid route.
** So this has led to me surfing a number of social circles without actually taking the full plunge into any particular one. I think this is also an unintended consequence of my music criticism -- and, by subliminal extension, my life philosophy -- but that's just the way it is.
***
A byproduct of all of this is that I spend so much time feeling driven
**** that I forget to reconnect with the one person that should matter most to me ... me! So last night I took matters into my own hands, forbade myself from going out (and believe me when I say I was sorely tempted by the fact Young Josh was DJing The Burlington), and settled in to recharge my battery. And then, of course, I started thinking about all of the above, nearly derailing the whole idea of staying in with myself in the first place, until finally blissfully sinking back into the back of my brain, allowing the sun scarred film stock surrounding
No Country For Old Men to lead me to a happier place. Because sometimes spending meaningful time
with yourself means spending time
outside of yourself.
So now I'm all ready for tonight,
Herb's big birthday party! Nothing like taking a brief reprieve only to jump back into the deep end of the boiling, roiling pool all over again.
Anyway, in honor of Herb's big day, and as a sign of my gratitude to you for slogging through the preceding paragraphs' 555 words, I offer this M4A from the world famous Beer Nuts.
M4A: Beer Nuts "Thirteen"*And by "a few" I literally mean two a.k.a. just the right amount to make you a little sleepy.
**And
unlike most folks, I have plenty of witnesses to prove that I was indeed the outcast. At one point I actually had the majority of the school (faculty included) thirsty for my blood. And all because I made some jokes in a column about football players.
***This is not to say I don't feel close with people, I have quite a few folks who are very dear to me. I'm just not bound down by one social group over another.
****I just remembered this. I was talking to a fellow writer and they asked how I was able to just keep chugging along -- keep in mind I post on Chicagoist AND here daily, and contribute to donewaiting as well as various other freelance gigs -- and my only response was that I just do. It's not like I don't get mildly fried from time to time, but I've found the discipline of just committing to writing every day helps me get through those points. At the same time it also creates a closed loop I find it difficult to escape. If I missed posting here on a weekday, for instance, it would feel really uncomfortable for me mentally.
Photogal and I had a fabulous break-up. There were some bumpy bits here and there, but overall it went really well. That's the nice thing about two parties coming to the same conclusion about a situation at the same time. And we've stayed really close since then, while at the same time trying to be careful and not get too close, since that's what probably derailed our past attempts to break up. Because of that we've both had pretty successful dating lives separate from each other with a minimum of jealousy. I mean, there's always going to be some jealousy, because those old feelings never completely die, but for the first time it's more a sentimental pang than any sort of upset reaction. I gotta admit though, I just noticed her status on one of the online social networking sites is no longer "single," and my initial reaction was like, "huh?" Funny how a knee-jerk response just pops right up. And the thing is it was just a split-second thing, because ultimately I want Photogal to end up super happy with a guy that can give her all the things I couldn't, and I'm sure she feels the exact same. And it seems as if we're both well on our way towards that goal, on our own separate paths. And while that still makes me a little sad at times, overall I think it makes me very happy.
