The moment you've all (probably not) been waiting for...the answers to the "Friends Quiz!"

Here it is, the quiz and its answers. Most of you scored relatively well and some folks I’ve never met almost scored a bit too well. Either you’re very close readers or I want you to remove that camera from my house/cubicle/DJ booth right now! I am a bit in shock that my own girlfriend did not get 100% but have decided to add an extra 10% to her score since she has to go through the unenviable experience of actually living with and tolerating me on a daily basis.

So, on to the unveiling!

1) Okay, this is easy. What's the name and breed of my current pet?
a) Lucy the Spaniel/Chihuahua
b) Betty the Beagle
c) Scamp the Malyoodle
d) Naga naga wee wee

This was easy...Lucy is Photogal’s dog, Scamp is my family’s old dog and Betty is my dog. And, to the dude who chose “Naga naga wee wee” I can only say you obviously weren’t trying.

2) What color has my hair NEVER been?
a) Blonde
b) Blue
c) Black
d) Green

This one got a lot of folks. Up until about the age of twenty or so I had never dyed my hair and always flashed the blonde locks with natural highlights. Once I got started though it was hard to stop me. Blue was my favorite since I though green made me look a little sickly. Purple was kind of fun but I couldn’t stop feeling like a big ol’ Popsicle.

3) What is the tattoo on my right arm and who designed it?
a) A portrait, drawn by Josh James
b) Atlas, drawn by me
c) A Tribal Band, drawn by Tim Bradstreet
d) Steve Dallas, drawn by Berke Breathed

See, these are tricky even for folks that know me. While Tim did use me as a model for his Wetworks Frankenstein pin-up, he has never designed any tattoos for me. Josh did do a nice portrait of me, but I already have one cartoon of myself on my body. Steve Dallas, due to my love of Bloom County, isn’t that far a reach either unless, of course, you already know I wouldn’t allow anything to be inked into my flesh that I myself didn’t design.

4) What have I NOT had pierced?
a) Nipples
b) Nose
c) Ears
d) Lip

Face it, I’m too old for that Emo crap. I was one of the first guys in high school to pierce my ears and got called “faggot” plenty of times…until my senior year when everyone had their ears pierced. I passed out when Jen Johnson pierced my nose and ended up knocking my friend Jim off the toilet…after I apparently licked the soap dish in the White trash House bathroom. The nipples got stuck in ’95 and continue to surprise folks…except for Dave Horn who continually tries to flick my rings through my shirts for some odd reason.

5) What's my day job? The one that actually pays my bills...
a) Patent Researcher
b) Product Manager
c) Bartender
d) Talent Buyer

Almost no one got this right. Not even my brother! No folks, I am not a patent researcher. I am a product manager¹ who helps usher all kinds of fun stuff to the market. I also do a far amount of technical writing and copywriting at my day job as well.

6) What nickname have I NOT had in the past?
a) Tankboy
b) Sludgepuppy
c) The Makeout King Of Wicker Park
d) Mogwai

This was another relatively easy one. I’ve never been called Mogwai.

7) Where do I live?
a) Oak Park
b) Chicago
c) Palatine
d) Evanston

No Julie, I DO NOT live in Oka Park! My mom lives in Palatine, I live Chicago and the poor damned souls in hell reside I Evanston.

8) Who have I NOT danced with or gotten thrown out of a party with?
a) Kim Thayil
b) Billy Corgan
c) Liz Phair
d) The Jets

Another tricky question that almost no one got right! I won a dance off with Kim Thayil. I danced to James brown with and subsequently got tossed from a party with Billy Corgan. I won a “Just Say No To Drugs” cartoon contest in my sophomore year of high school and my prize was backstage passes to, and a little jig with, teen sensations The Jets. Alas, I have never danced with Liz Phair. However.

9) Who did I hit on at Danny's without realizing who they were and then got totally shot down and then made fun of by the staff for being a complete idiot?
a) Rachael Yamagata
b) Liz Phair
c) Julia Stiles
d) Sarah Polley

I did indeed hit on Ms. Phair outside of Danny’s. Rachael is a friend of mine and I’d like to send a big, “Ewww!” out to Fagballs since he thought I hit on her. She’s like a little sister to me dude! I wish I had met Sarah Polley since maybe it would make up for the fact that the last time I saw Julia Stiles I was telling her what a crock awards shows, and the Golden Globes in particular, were. Foot, meet mouth.


10) What is my favorite movie of all time?
a) Clerks
b) Philadelphia Story
c) Bladerunner
d) Breakfast At Tiffany's

Only one person got this right. It was a toughie since I really REALLY love all the above films…but the one that really hits my sweet spot is The Philadelphia Story. I have no idea why, but it just does.

¹Well, technically I guess I would be an assistant product manager/technical writer...but it's my quiz, so there!