Dear "CLANG! BAM!" guy at the gym,


At this point, I’ve decided you might be more annoying than “Naked-Cellphone Guy.” And that’s quite a feat. I’m sure everyone really enjoys that loud banging sound that all those plates make as they slam into each other when you hit the end of your set. That really shows us that you’re working with a lot of weight and should therefore be admired. Oh, we do admire you. You are so strong. And stylish too. Love that tennis cap/band. Really.

I’m sure you thought that the fact that every head in the gym turned your way every time those plates slammed into each other and the looks that followed only serve as proof that this tactic is getting you the attention you desire. Instead allow me to offer a slightly different way to view those glares that are actually based in annoyance. People who can handle the weights they are lifting are impressive. People who lift and lower weight and finish their reps with control and grace are admired. People who allow their plates to bang and clang work under the suspicious cloud that maybe they can’t handle all that weight. The same goes for cartoonish grunting, though I’ll grant that you were innocent of that symptom that usually afflicts plate-clangers.

Dork.