TONIGHT

End of the year round-up with me and Rudy spinning all the hits from 2003 at Ten56...don't miss it!

Top Ten Freakish Things About Me…right now…
This list can, and usually does, gain additions almost daily.

1. I think I’m going bald. I’ve been worrying about this since my early twenties and whenever I share this fear with my stylist – yes, my stylist so shut the fuck up right now motherfucker – she laughs at me like I’m insane. Because I am. Because my hair is really, really thick. I’m just a worrywart.

2. Speaking of worrying, I can’t leave the house without making sure the stove is off. Sometimes I don’t realize this until I’ve driven blocks away and have to turn back. The upside is that Betty the Beagle acts as if I’ve been gone for hours and smothers me with love as I try to make my way to the kitchen…to make sure the god-damned stove is off!

3. When I go to a movie I HAVE to have a small bag of popcorn and a medium soda. If someone buys me a medium or – God forbid – a LARGE bag of popcorn I can’t eat it and it kind of ruins the whole experience for me. Freakish? Yes, but this IS my list of neuroses, right?

4. I buy new music constantly. Like, if I don’t have something new to listen to almost every day I get really distracted. It’s gotta be terribly unhealthy to think this way but at least I kick total and complete ass at music trivia. Unless you ask me to name an Iron Maiden album. For some reason I completely blank on those titles.

5. I like my job, even when I’m really really busy. I’m on vacation right now and kind of miss it. Now THAT’S sick.

6. I hate asking questions like "where's the bathroom" or "can I substitute this for that" and usually Photogal has to do it for me.It must be some deep-seated male fear of showing any kind of weakness or doubt…which is doubly odd when you consider I pretty much despise anything generally viewed as a deep-seated male trait. I prefer folks to act like themselves and not like an image of what they suppose they should be. I’m getting off track here, aren’t I? So…

7. I can’t kill bugs. Definitely not spiders. I’ll catch them in a cup and carry them outside of my apartment – otherwise Photogal wouldn’t live here – but I can’t kill them. Except those little millipede thingies with a million and a half legs. They move to quickly to really catch and they’re just so completely creepy…but all other bug, cockroaches included, are safe if I’m around.

8. I freak out if someone shuts off a song before it’s over. Like in a car when you pull up some where and shut of the stereo mid-verse? I hate it. The only exception to this rule is in the context of DJing in which case I love the practice. At all other times, though, I just wanna hear the whole song. And yes, I will sit in my car until a song ends if need be.

9. I can’t pee in a trough. I just can’t. No way. No how. Way too much stage-fright to function in that situation. Urinal, yes; trough, no.

10. I can speak fluent Spanish if I’m butt-ass wasted. This must be a throwback to the years I spent living in South Texas where I was surrounded by the language. Back when I worked In a Sushi restaurant I regained almost all my Spanish even in a sober state, but that dissipated in time. So I guess if you want me to order you that burrito in the native tongue it’s time to start pouring cervezas down my throat, no?

Well now, that's not really surprising, is it?



My life is rated NC-17.

How 'bout you, what's your life rated?

Things I learned this weekend:

- The Assembly really need to relocate to England, where the press will fawn all over them, someone will sign them to a big fat record contract and paparazzi will follow them to the corner store for milk in a box and back.

- While I loved local band Box-O-Car to death, seeing frontman Skid Marks strike out on his own, expand his sound and actually build up a livelier stage show -- and I never thought is could get more energetic -- is truly inspirational. Why this guy isn't huge I will never know. Maybe he should move to England too!

- Recent Chicago arrivals by way of New York Suffrajett put on an arresting live show with some of the gutsiest female vocals I've heard this side of Patti Smith. Raucous guitar lines seeping sex all over the stage and getting stomped to death by base drums is a beautiful thing to behold live.

- Woolworthy has really hit their stride with their most ferocious line-up yet. As lead man Rudy spits out lyrics and melodies that would cause Ryan Adams to blush newest guitarist Alex shreds his fingers on his strings and pumps out pure rock and/or roll noise from his Marshall stack. How the music can be so brutal yet so toe-tapping and hummable slays me.

- The Beat Kitchen's music room sounds better than I remember and their staff is truly lovely to deal with…but they take waaay too much money out of the door to cover the bar's expenses. When someone books a show that totally packs the joint -- like we did last Friday -- they should really kick some more money towards the bands since they're making money hand over fist with the liquor sales. Oh well, c'est la vie in the club-world...

- While Photogal is getting better about actually staying to entire duration of a show I put together she still collapses before the after-party. Oh well, that's probably for the best since I would have ended up being that really annoyingly jovial drunk guy going, "I had so much fun. Did you have lots of fun? Oh my god that show was so great!" Yeah, it's better I went home and went to sleep...

- I couldn't have asked for a better show to end the Tankboy Music Promotion part of this year with…it really was a great reminder of just how terrific the Chicago music scene is and how tremendous a show is when everyone shows up and just gives in to having a back-to-basics good time.

Maybe I'm English!

Sent to my little brother from a drunk Englishman:

Well if I was going to mention reasons the English go out and drink lots I would include....

Christmas
New Year
Easter
Christmas Eve
New Years Eve
Boxing Day
Bonfire Night
St George's Day
St Patrick's Day
St David's Day
Pay Day
Halloween
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday

Funny thing is all the pubs who have special nights for American Independence Day!
Where we all go out and drink to celebrate being beaten in a war!
Any excuse for a drink!

...and now onto some serious business!

TONIGHT
at
The Beat Kitchen

The Tankboy Holiday Spectacular

Woolworthy
Suffrajett
Skid Marks
The Assembly

Doors at 8:00pm
Show at 9:00pm
$8 cover

Best of 2003

Yup, it's that time of year. Time for an entire web's worth of pundits to start posting what they dug the most in 2003. Well I am no different than most and have painstakingly constructed a list of my favorite albums of the past year.

Over the next few days I'll post a list of movies, books and moments that stuck out in my head over the past year but for now the following, posted at Done Waiting, should satisfy your appetites:

Tankboy's Top 20 of 2003 and Then Some

Biggest Chicago Musical Surprise of 2003

Rock!

Tests are fun!

I took The Music Nerd Test and this was my score:

74.39614% - Extreme Music Nerd

The funny thing is I thought I would score higher!

Thanks to Oh, Manchester So Much To Answer For for el linko.

Today is a great day in film history.

My little brother has informed me that today the Mel Brooks masterwork Young Frankenstein has been added to the national Film Registry. Since most folks are not the huge pop culture geeks my brother and I are he was even nice enough to send me an explanation, culled from the Hollywood Reporter story announcing the film's inclusion, so all you normal folks can see just how cool this is.

Each year Librarian of Congress James Billington selects 25 "culturally, historically or aesthetically" significant motion pictures for the Registry. The list is designed to reflect the full breadth and diversity of America's film heritage, thus increasing public awareness of the richness of American cinema and the need for its preservation, Billington said.

"Our film heritage is America's living past," he said. "It celebrates the creativity and inventiveness of diverse communities and our nation as a whole. By preserving American films, we safeguard a significant element of our cultural history."

For each title named to the registry, the Library of Congress works to ensure that the film is preserved for all time, either through the Library's motion picture preservation program or through collaborative ventures with other archives, motion picture studios and independent filmmakers. The Library of Congress contains the largest collections of film and television in the world, from the earliest surviving copyrighted motion picture to the latest feature releases.

(Read the full story here.)

While this is indeed very cool I'm still wondering why Blazing Saddles didn't get in first since it is a much funnier movie and tackles great social and moral issues with sensitivity and panache. Maybe since it was shot in color they're holding that against the film...

Oh yes.

Also, our little One Year Anniversary shindig at Ten56 went swimmingly last night.
We got very drunk but didn't fall down.
We rocked very hard but didn't cause any internal bleeding.
I caught both guys and girls working their rump-shakers.
There was only one sighting of the unfortunate high-rise-thong-paired-with-low-rise-jeans syndrome.

All in all I'd call it a grand success!

"Al, you did not say that! You did not just break out the nine inch cock!"

The above was actually uttered my Mark of Light FM to a very drunk man named Al who insisted he did concert security and had been sent my Soundgarden to check Light FM out. Oh yeah, he also claimed, out of nowhere, that he was endowed according to the above claim.

Then the only skinhead in Columbus showed up and thoroughly made an ass of himself.

So I'm sure you can divine that the Light FM road trip was indeed interesting!

A full write-up of the fun and madness will be posted at Done Waiting in a day or two...as soon as I catch up with this huge backlog of work that flowed in over the weekend and lays stranded on my desk and clogs my Lotus Notes in-box...

On the road!

I helped my friends in Light FM get a couple of shows this weekend so I'm taking this opportunity to get the hell out of Dodge for a few days. If you wish to see me -- or the lovely and commanding Light FM -- here is where we'll be this weekend.

Friday December 12
at
Birdy's in Indianapolis, IN
2131 E. 71st St. (317) 254-8971
Hypnocinema
Chicken Leg
Johnny Angel
Light FM
Doors at 8:00
Show at 9:00

Saturday December 13
at
Bourbon St. Cafe in Columbus, OH
2216 Summit Street (614) 268-9377
Donewaiting.com's Monthly Bourbon Bash
Trapper John
Light FM
The Sure Things
Analog Radio
Doors at 9:00

Come out buy me and the boys a beer...or a shot...or some food...or whatever...

H2? FU!

Really big SUVs have a tendency to really piss me off. When the original Hummers hit the road you could always tell what kind of person was going to be behind the wheel. Almost without fail the driver was a thirty- or forty-something with dark well groomed hair and that "fuck you" attitude worn well by people with the sort of disposable income to throw away on something as idiotic a truck you can't even park on an average city street.

The came the H2 and now I see a greater number of rich and bored housewives behind the wheels of these things as the car decline in price and climbs up the ladder of socially acceptable icons of suburban wealth.

Now, I have actually test driven an H2 and I have to admit that the thing is pretty amazing when it comes to steep inclines and the type of control in off-road terrain I didn't realize was even possible. In this regard I can truly appreciate the H2 as a marvel in modern construction.

However, and this is what annoys me, no one that is driving the damn things is taking them off-road or using them for any sorts of outdoorsy endeavors. I mean, come one, do you really think some pampered, hormone popping, menopausal society matron who lives is a 2.5 million dollar home is going off-road in anything other than a golf cart?

I realize I could just take my usual approach and hold back my judgment and allow that people are different than me...but when I'm paying close to two bucks per gallon of gas I can't help but think that the road is choked with these gas guzzling behemoths that consume gallon after gallon and spit it back out with a minimal return on mileage. As demand for gas goes up so does demand for oil and so do oil prices themselves.

I'm cutting myself off here before I wade into political commentary since this was just intended as a mild venting spurred by some yahoo on a cell-phone paying no attention to what she was doing as her fucking H2 was weaving in and out of her lane...suffice to say I'm not 100% behind my governments military moves over the past few years as I don't believe most of the move were primarily motivated by anything other than a concern for keeping that black gold flowing unobstructed in gas-tanks across this great nation of ours...

This just in!

Photogal just got the below e-mail, a pitifully obvious attempt to snatch here banking info so her identity can head for the high hills and spend her money on stuff she would never buy.

I am posting it, though, because the host of spelling errors is just too damn funny.

Lesson #1 in Identity Theft: Try to look professional, mkay?

Dear Citi-Card Users,
This email was sent by the Citi-bank serevrs to veerify your e-mail addres. You must cpoemtle this psrceos by clicking on the link below and enntering in the small window your Citbiank Debit full card nummber and PiN that you use on Atm. That is done for your pocerttion -q- because some of our memebrs no lengor have access to their email addrssees and we must verify it. To veerify your e-mail address and access your CitibankOnline account, click on
the link below. If nothing hapepns when you click on the link -F coppy and passte the link into the adderss bar of your web broswer.
link deleted
----------------------------------------
Thank you for using Citibank!
----------------------------------------
This automtaic email sent to: xxxxxxxx@msn.com
Do not reply to this email.

Lesson #2 in Identity Theft: There is no lesson #2. You shouldn't be stealing anyone's identity in the first place!

I am in a great mood. No, really!

I kicked mucho ass DJing last night and I think it's safe to say that between me and Rudy we totaled the bar through the power of music.

Unfortunately, and as usual, I just had about a mountain and a half's worth of work plop down on and around my desk so no chatty chatty for Tankie today.

However, over at Done Waiting, one of our little collective of writers, David Cobb, has penned an especially terrific rumination over music and it's relevance as you get older. I can tell you as a music fanatic getting along in years this piece struck especially close to home but I think it's the sort of thing everyone can relate to. Read it here.

David is also strangely obsessed with Chicago bands despite his never having lived in Chicago.

I love that! Chicago rocks so much harder than any other city...

Intellectually stymied.

So I'm taking the week between Christmas and New Year's off so I swear I'm going to get some PhD thesis sized writing done in that time. Lots of thoughts a-bubblin' but just no time to get it all out! I suppose this is the primary downside to being gainfully employed and would explain why so many artists with the time to say something profound are starving or living like leeches off boyfriends/girlfriends/patrons.

As usual, though, since it's Tuesday I will do my best tonight to sublimate any annoyance I might feel towards the forces conspiring to keep my innermost thought locked inside and will revel in the happiness unleashed by the wonderful choices spun by me and Rudy.

Greatest hits generally suck.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers have just released a "greatest hits" disc that covers their output over the last 12 years or so and its revisionist take is disturbing. Almost all of One Hot Minute is excluded and they are presented more as an "Adult Contemporary Ballad" band since over the last few years most of their hits have been in that category.

I have decided to make my own mix of the last 12 years and 8t will be decidedly more rockin'. As a matter of fact I find myself tending to create my own "greatest hit's" compilations from a number of bands because they either do not exist, as is the case with Pearl Jam and Radiohead, or they suck terribly, as in the case of RHCP mentioned above. Greatest hits are convenient for me to tote around when I DJ rather than lugging around an artist's entire back catalog so I tend to obsessively create these mixes.

Speaking of mixes, a friend of mine has generously offered up some bandwidth to me so expect the Tankboy mp3 mixes to kick off in a few days once I work the logistics out. When we do get started remember to visit this space every Monday through Friday so you don't miss a song!

Spot on.

Weird when you take a quiz and it actually seems to hit the nail on the head, eh?


You're Generally Indie. There's nothing wrong with
this. You like music all over the map and
aren't adverse to listening to some Top 40
here and there. You just know to comment that
The Neptunes are the best producers around
right now. You don't feel the need to debate
constantly with other music geeks, because you
know that Pavement were the best band of the
90s.

You Know Yer Indie. Let's Sub-Categorize.

Police brutality, regular procedure or misguided press?

Okay, so we all know about the altercation in Cleveland over the weekend that lead to a regrettable loss of life. We also all know that the cause of death has been ruled a homicide and that the victim's family is very upset. We also know that the video of the police subduing the victim is disturbing to say the least.

It's interesting to note, though, that most news hold the following points until the end of their reports or leave them out entirely.

- The homicide victim was under the influence of cocaine and PCP, among other things.
- The homicide victim suffered no blow to the head and only showed bruising on his thighs and buttocks.
- Defining someone as a homicide victim is not the same as defining someone as a murder victim. Homicide is a legal term meant as a descriptive and not a judgement.

I don't know what qualifies as justifiable force, but I do know that people whacked out on PCP are often uncontrollable due to the fact that they feel no pain and are basically completely out of their minds. While the loss of life is regrettable I really can't think the officers were doing anything that out of line.

What I find most interesting though is the way the media is unfairly covering this to blow up the whole racial aspect of this incident instead of covering it evenly as the drug fueled tragedy it really is.

God I fucking hate the mainstream media...

News got you down? Lighten up!

Tonight
at
The Beat Kitchen

Tankboy Presents
The Lovelies
Dig For Fire
Camera
Show at 10:00pm
$8 cover

Beat Kitchen
2100 W Belmont
(773.281.4444)

WTF!?

How did this piece of Juana Molina news get past me get past me? She is my favorite Argentinian singer -- who rarely plays in U.S. and never plays the Midwest -- and she is playing at The HotHouse here in Chicago tonight.

And of course the fucking show is sold out. Oh woe is me...

Oh Grammy where art thou (head)?

Fountains Of Wayne, a smart and cutting pop band, has had their most recent disc Welcome Interstate Managers nominated for a Grammy!

Unfortunately it's in the Best New Artist category. Why is this sad?

Well, their debut was in 1996 and this is their third album.

Thanks to my little brother for bringing this to my attention since I was unable to watch the nominations live on TV like I did last year. Come to think of it I was actually in New York when the announcement came last year and I remember thinking -- as Avril Lavigne butchered David Bowie's last name -- that I was a short subway ride away from Madison Square Gardens and being able to fulfill my life-long dream of slapping the shit out of the idiots in charge of the Grammys...

Please kill me.

My body is doing its best to fend off a rather unpleasant stomach flu right now. I gotta leave work early or I'm going to die. Unfortunately I have so much going on right now with various projects I just can't afford to be sick, damnit! I've decided to jot down some random thoughts to take my mind off my lurching stomach and images of my intestines doing an impersonation of a nest full of snakes writhing all over each other.

- My DJ skillz last night were dodgy at best as I struggled to keep it together and sweat out the sickness. My last set kicked much ass and almost vindicated the two earlier and much weaker sets. Luckily for me Rudy was all over his game and turned in one killer song selection after another so the evening turned out okay in the long run.

- The new Air album, Talkie Walkie, is so dreamy and pleasant and acts as if that abomination known as 10,000 Hz Legend never smudged the simple and clean lines set forth by Moon Safari.

- OutKast = Soul Music for the new Millennium

- I'm noticing that the sedentary lifestyle of the desk jockey is starting to have a visible effect on my waistline. In the olden days I biked or walked everywhere and that helped combat the natural lowering of metabolism that comes with the onset of aging but now that I commute to the 'burbs and sit in front of a computer 8+ hours a day I'm turning into a five-toed tree sloth. What does this mean? Tankboy must do the unimaginable. He must drag his sorry ass into a gym and fully capitulate as he joins the throngs of working class drones running on treadmills to melt off the same fatty accumulation attendant to a static lifestyle. Ugh.

- I'm working on the Tankboy Top 20 Albums for Done Waiting and it's proving much more difficult than I thought it would. A lot of really good music has come out this year. Yowza!

- Here's an idea. I love making mix CDs and want to make one for everyone that reads this site. My idea is I find some bandwidth where I post one mp3 a day, in the order of the mix, and loyal readers get to download 'em and at the end of twenty or so days they'll have enough tracks for their own personal Tankboy Mix CD. Come to think of it, I'd just like to post more odd and hard to find mp3s in general. The problem is I don't really have anywhere to host 'em? Anyone out there want to donate a little space to me for mp3 posting? Just an idea...

- Double ugh. Stomach beast is really unhappy and has decided to start doing calisthenics. I can type no more.

Which is it?

Which is the correct phrase to use when you discover that you are at fault?

"My bad."

"My bag."

Until I had to write it down I never really thought about it!

As if you couldn't guess...

...that after a holiday weekend I am so swamped and have noooo time for you right now, my little pretties.

Also, I'm smarting from telling the lead singer of the Detroit Cobras that I was glad she didn't have "man-hands" since her hands looked like "flippers" from the back of the room while she was on-stage.

She really is quite lovely but my big mouth knows just what to say at the wrong time. She zinged me back though with a rather withering remark about my, um, L'il Tankie and we toasted over Maker's Mark so all seems forgiven.