I've been pretty quiet around here this week, huh? I think it probably has something to do with the fact I was sort of dreading this day. It's the anniversary of my ex-wife filing for divorce. She was as nice as one could be about it, and had her attorney deliver the papers electronically, but it was still a huge blow and quite possibly the worst day of my life. I still remember leaving work early and just walking in a daze down Michigan Avenue in total shock.
2018 has generally been a pretty dark year, and while the divorce was a major factor, it was just a year where all my luck ran out. If I owed karma a debt it has certainly been paid back many times over, with interest. There were times I honestly did not know how to even move forward.
Things have gotten better since our house sold, and it feels like my life is back on an upward trajectory. But I'm still in complete uncertainty about what my future looks like. I had a built a life with someone else and when that ended all the plans I had vanished and I was staring at a blank canvas. If I was younger that might be a more exciting position to be in, but at this age it just feels so daunting.
But, repaint the canvas I shall. I don't really have another option, do I? The year has been rough, but I'm exiting it having learned a couple hard lessons and that certainly contributed to my self-improvement. I'm not going to make those mistakes in the future so that's a positive thing, right? I just wish I'd learned those lessons more quickly, because I'd be in a very different place right now if I had.
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