I survived another year! My last few birthdays have been quiet affairs, each one marked by a small amount of disbelief that I actually made it through another year, and a large amount of hope that things couldn't possibly get any worse, so sunshine times just had to be around the corner!
Um.
So this year I'm level. Routine. Boring. Living is a mental state where disbelief is suspended by actual reality and the resulting world we all inhabit is, right now, a very scary place. This year my only real hope is that it will be less scary this time next year. But I've given up saying "it can't get any worse" because I'm tired of proving myself wrong over and over again.
So let's see where we're all at next year. Maybe I'll even be feeling festive enough by then to actually regain the celebratory joy that used to mark my birthdays. This year I'll just be content with working part of the day and then spending the rest of the day walking and trying to find a quiet place to do some reading.
That seems pretty cool to me right now.
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