Getting back out there.

Still under construction but getting there. :)

Once you get over the initial paralyzing fear you’ll be alone for forever and ever, dating in your 40s is actually much different than I expected. In a good way.

(And let me be clear: I'm talking about actual dates and NOT entering into the hook-up culture. I'm sticking with dates.)

Over the last 20 years, two major relationships occupied almost all that time, so my singledom has come in slivers, and dating is way different now than when I was last single! I remember meeting girls through Twitter, but apps dedicated to dating were definitely not a thing.* I’m also older now, so even the way I approach dating is pretty different than when I was in my 30s or 20s.

I know I’m probably more open-minded about potential dates now than I thought I was when in my mid-20s. I have gone on dates with people both older and younger than me, and with both longtime friends and complete strangers. Single moms seem totally cool. It’s not a prerequisite dates live in the city. And while in the past I tended to date people with connections to the music world, I’m really enjoying the broader spectrum of backgrounds I’m encountering. And I've gotten way more open to letting things go slow and hang out with a couple different people instead of trying to lock down a single relationship right away, which was definitely a pattern in my past behavior.

So I’m starting to enjoy being single, finally. I still have some mourning of my marriage and other stuff to work through, and I'm certainly not saying I don't get deeply sad at times, but after months where everything seemed a little too dark I’m definitely feeling more comfortable and optimistic about my future.

In fact the only downside to dating is that it can get expensive. And between the divorce and the house issues I'm definitely feeling the pinch —so I have no idea how millennials can afford it!


*Speaking of dating apps, I can’t understand why so many people don’t write even the briefest of bios, or use photos that are only extreme close-ups or shots of groups of people. And I finally had my first ghosting experience thanks to a dating app, but that was O.K., it didn’t bother me. Just the price of admission to dating in 2018, I guess.