I can feel it in the air. FINALLY. A change is coming. Spring is actually near. I'm cautiously optimistic major waves of the COVID epidemic may have finally subsided (even if there is absolutely no way to predict the future on that front, yet). I'm on a 300+ day step streak and am looking forwards to the majority of that walking moving outdoors instead of pacing in my apartment. Despite my inability to actually get out of the house and attend a show so far this year, I have not given up hope and want to remedy that within weeks if not days.
Even if I'm not entirely sure how, I am 100% devoted to exiting my hermitage of the last couple of years. I've accepted that whatever insane human drive I had, that just allowed me to pile on activities far beyond what should have been a reasonable breaking point, was interrupted by my social isolation and is never going to return at that volume. (This is actually a relief. I don't think I knew how exhausting that was until all that nervous energy had nowhere to go when I stopped. It's taken a few years, but I've finally settled into a more realistic, human, mortal approach to what it means to be "active.")
And here I sit, on the precipice again, waiting for the sign it's time to drop my metaphorical skateboard into the bowl and start to LIVE again. I've spent a lot of time in my head over the last 3 years, and while it's still not an entirely fun place to be all of the time, I've grown more comfortable being an unadulterated version of me all of the time. I can be intense and earnest and sometimes throw people off with my weird energy, but I think the core ME—the one who has always been there since the earliest days of wandering South Texas farmlands and orange groves solo looking for adventure and living in a world of imagination—that me is one I like being around. Can't wait for you to meet him again too!
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