I think we've all met this guy at some point.

Little Billy is a rock star. He loves his mom even though his lyrics are filled with references to his tortured upbringing. He’s played shows at all the important clubs but he’s never been on a stage more than fifty miles outside of the city he lives in but he does dream of playing huge arenas where he can show his appreciation by ignoring his fans as they scream his name. He’s pierced his lip and his eyebrow but can’t conceive the reasoning behind piercing one’s nipples or dick. He loves tattoos but secretly fears what his mom would say if she ever saw that anarchy symbol tat on his hip.

Little Billy's hair looks like he just woke up...and it took him 45 minutes to get it that way.

Billy wears clothes from LipService and has a large collection of pleather pants, shiny sequined shirts and brand new vintage T-shirts with pre-faded images of The new Kids on the Block and Toto. Billy is the living embodiment of the hipster and routinely touts his love of J.D. Salinger and Jack Kerouac even though he’s never read Catcher in the rye and On The Road was just so totally boring after like thirty pages. And what was up with all that jazz shit…weren’t the beats the original punk rockers?

Speaking of punk rock, Billy owns and swears by Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars, Never Mind The Bollocks Here’s The Sex Pistols and that Iggy Pop album with the song The red Hot Chili Peppers covered. Ask him whether he thinks "Five Years" influenced Darby Crash’s suicide and he’ll nod blankly and say totally. Then he’ll run home to see which Ramones album "Five Years" is on, since the Ramones influenced all of punk rock. Well, at least Billy knows Darby Crash was punk rock, or did he just see that on a T-shirt somewhere? Oh yeah, that dude that used to be in the Foo Fighters, the gay one, he was punk rock when he was little and he had mentioned that Darby dude when Kurt died. Little Billy loved Nirvana when he was twelve. They were so fucking rad. Did I mention Billy’s band sounds like a tone deaf version of Limp Biscuit with harder beats but no DJ? Yes, Little Billy truly is a rock star.

Just the other night Billy was hanging out at his favorite club, you know, the one where everyone hangs out, checking out some band that totally sucked because the lead singer once snubbed him when everyone was doing shots at some other bar everyone hung out at. Billy is always where it’s at and grows terribly despondent if he finds out he missed a late night coke party or if some out-of-town marginally famous group ended up jamming at some other late night party where a totally rad time was had by all. Billy hates to think he ever misses anything.

Anyway, Billy’s at his favorite club when he sees this girl he totally digs – but in his experience has only dated guys who were at least signed to a distribution deal if not a major label – talking to the bassist from his own band. He runs over and joins the conversation hoping to finally make his mark.

"Hey, " says Billy.

"Hey" says the cutie.

"Cool band, huh?" Billy asks.

"Uh huh" says the cutie.

"I think we’re goin’ out after the show" offers Billy.

"Cool" says the cutie.

"Maybe I’ll see you" shrugs Billy.

"Cool" says the cutie.

Billy has just like totally scored. He is certain that in a few hours he can most definitely, yes certainly, get her back to his place for a late night DVD of The Big Lebowski, a little Amstel Light, a joint and mucho romance…providing neither passes out before the other.

Billy never went to an all ages club. Billy never heard of Minor threat though he’s heard Fugazi is pretty cool because they once did a song with that dude from Ministry. Billy can’t figure out why everyone says Jane’s Addiction sounds like Led Zeppelin since they sound so, like, totally different dude! Billy loves reciting Simpsons one-liners since they always seem to spur a conversation along. Billy loves rock and roll because Little Billy is a rock star.

MTV told him so.