Hands up!

That’s right, hands up everyone who marveled at just how expertly George W. Bush handled that press conference last night. At one point they showed a shot of Condi “Why’d ya make me testify?” Rice and Dick “I may never be President but at least I can control one like a puppet with my ooky-spooky telepathy emanating from my super-sized noggin” that just made me laugh out loud. They so had that, “Dubya’s getting’ a spankin’ after this” look on their faces.

Jeez-US!

So at one point I thought that the press conference may be that mythical undoing of Bush, kind of like we are led to believe those early televised debates between J.F.K. and Nixon decided that election, until I realized I live in a nation populated with idiots who will probably forgive him because, heck, he’s just like them!

“Martha, I like that Dubya! I mean, under heavy questioning, who’s not going to freak out and fumble a few answers? I sure would!”

Um, people, people, the President should not be just another schlub. He’s running the largest fucking democracy on the Earth fer chrissakes! I mean, if we want someone “just like us” in office you may as well elect me! I guarantee my press conferences would be waaay funnier.

For example:

Q – Mr. President, how do you feel about the Iraq situation being labeled a “quagmire” in much of the press? Are you afraid of the Vietnam parallels that word couches?

A – Let me tell you about the word “quagmire.” “Quag” is launched from the Roman slang for “duck” as in “quag quag is the noise a duck makes.” “Mire” is the suffix to “ad” as in I admire that stunning ball gown you are wearing Mr. President.” So I have to admit that I don’t understand how the charge that we are admiring ducks would in any way connect the holy shit-storm overseas to the Vietnam situation we got ourselves stuck in almost 40 years ago. I just don’t see it. Next question?

See, wouldn’t I be cool as Commander-In-Chief?

And now, my favorite exchange of last night, taken directly from the transcript posted at the White House web-site:

Q Thank you, Mr. President. Sir, you've made it very clear tonight that you're committed to continuing the mission in Iraq. Yet, as Terry pointed out, increasing numbers of Americans have qualms about it. And this is an election year. Will it have been worth it, even if you lose your job because of it?

THE PRESIDENT: I don't plan on losing my job.

Good time, good times…