Forty-five.

Fig. 1

First of all, I would like to thank Jay-Z for dropping his new album, the first of his I actually think is worth all the hype that's usually showered on him, on my birthday so I could kick off my day with its sounds. It's nice to know you're thinking of me, dude. But I am a little worried about my sleep schedule last night (see Fig. 1) perfectly aligning with that album's title. Is Jay-Z truly part of the Illuminati and capable of mind control from hundreds of miles away?!

I would also like to thank Bong Joon-ho for dropping his latest film, one I've been anxiously anticipating, just in time so I could watch it this afternoon. Okja did not disappoint. It made me laugh. It made me recoil in horror. It made me think. It made me feel. Thank you.

I would like to thank Popeye's chicken for still being there to deliver my customary birthday dinner. I ate too much and it was all delicious.

Fig. 2

Edgar Wright also deserves a big slab of thanks for releasing his latest movie just in time for me to thoroughly enjoy it in the theater this evening. No spoilers! But it's really good.

I would like to thank the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion for "Bellbottoms," a song that still excited me as much today every time I hear it as when I first encountered its mind-blowing power 23 years ago.

Thank you to my coworkers who had no idea who The Chemical Brothers are, making me feel suitably ancient.

Tom Petty and his Heartbreakers deserve a round of applause from me as well, since they provided the soundtrack that kept me in a cheery mood late last night and into my 45th year.

I'd like to thank David Bowie. That's it. I just want to thank David Bowie.

I'd like to thank my wife for buying me Juul Pods as a birthday gift in hopes I will smoke actual cigarettes less and live longer. I'm trying, honey.

And thanks to all of you who read this, and everyone who sent me birthday wishes, for making this big doofus (see Fig. 2) feel pretty special today.