Just because your past haunts you doesn't mean you need to keep living in it, right?

I think I've looked at this cursor blink a couple hundred times a I sit here in the early morning light trying to figure out what I want to say as a cat's light snores make their way through the doorway behind me.

I've spent some serious time eradicating the unhealthy tendencies from my life, and I've mentioned them here before—daily workouts, 7-8 hours of sleep (unheard of in the past!), knocking out 99.99% of any alcohol consumption, a return to reading books instead of scrolling through my phone in those down moments, and so on.

So I should feel fabulous, right?

Well, physically, yes. I let myself go over the last year and a half and it feels incredibly good to get back into shape. I should hit my summer weight, oh, halfway through the summer—but at least I'll get there. And that makes me happy. But body is just a beginning, no?

Yesterday stirred up a lot of emotions and memories and things I thought no longer affected me, but obviously do. A year ago I was unemployed and used the day as an excuse to get plastered and feel sorry for myself. What a difference a year makes! This time around I just went about my business as best I could and instead dealt with every emotion and memory as they came along, trying to learn from them and put them to rest. Just because your past haunts you doesn't mean you need to keep living in it, right?

Huh, I just realized its been two weeks since I left the house to do anything social. In that time I've just worked, caught up on TV, read, and gone to sleep earlier and earlier. (That last bit might seem odd, but after averaging 2-3 hours of sleep for months it's actually a positive sign, to me.)

Sorry, this is rambling. And that cat just stopped snoring and got off her stool, so it's clearly time to scratch her behind her ears just the way she likes as she enjoys her breakfast. It's a good moment to get lost in.

I'll figure all this other stuff out later.