Wednesday, December 11, 2019

The little things you notice.

I got an earlier start than usual yesterday, since I had a 9 a.m. meeting in the office. I'm usually in by 9 every day, but if I have a meeting I try and get in a little early to be prepared. So I went to the gym earlier than usual, and then got to the train platform earlier than usual ... to discover the CTA was experiencing major delays due to equipment issues.

By the time I finally got on a train an hour later (my entire commute rarely takes longer than 30 minutes rom my walk to the train to my walk into my office building) I had already missed my meeting and the platform was packed shoulder-to-shoulder with people unable to even get down the stairs and onto the platform. A woman next to me asked, "It this usual for the CTA? I usually take Metro but today I was in a hurry so thought this would be faster!" I assured her that delays of this sort were very unusual. And then went back to listening to a podcast and playing Two Dots.

And then I realized something else. I wasn't upset. Or agitated. Or even bent out of shape about the delay! I had sent out a cheeky tweet—more to inform people about what was going on—but beyond that I was super chill about the whole thing.

Previously I would have been worked up and upset and agitated and freaking out I was late for and then missing a meeting and angry at the CTA and wondering what the fuck was the problem and why did the entire transit authority have it in for me and internally screaming why wasn't I already at work already and so on and so on.

But I felt none of that.

I just stood, and patiently waited, and hung back even when trains did come through so the people that did seem to be feeling all this feelings I would have once felt had a chance to board first. It was all O.K.

And then I realized it.

I think I am really going to be O.K.

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