On the road!

I helped my friends in Light FM get a couple of shows this weekend so I'm taking this opportunity to get the hell out of Dodge for a few days. If you wish to see me -- or the lovely and commanding Light FM -- here is where we'll be this weekend.

Friday December 12
at
Birdy's in Indianapolis, IN
2131 E. 71st St. (317) 254-8971
Hypnocinema
Chicken Leg
Johnny Angel
Light FM
Doors at 8:00
Show at 9:00

Saturday December 13
at
Bourbon St. Cafe in Columbus, OH
2216 Summit Street (614) 268-9377
Donewaiting.com's Monthly Bourbon Bash
Trapper John
Light FM
The Sure Things
Analog Radio
Doors at 9:00

Come out buy me and the boys a beer...or a shot...or some food...or whatever...

H2? FU!

Really big SUVs have a tendency to really piss me off. When the original Hummers hit the road you could always tell what kind of person was going to be behind the wheel. Almost without fail the driver was a thirty- or forty-something with dark well groomed hair and that "fuck you" attitude worn well by people with the sort of disposable income to throw away on something as idiotic a truck you can't even park on an average city street.

The came the H2 and now I see a greater number of rich and bored housewives behind the wheels of these things as the car decline in price and climbs up the ladder of socially acceptable icons of suburban wealth.

Now, I have actually test driven an H2 and I have to admit that the thing is pretty amazing when it comes to steep inclines and the type of control in off-road terrain I didn't realize was even possible. In this regard I can truly appreciate the H2 as a marvel in modern construction.

However, and this is what annoys me, no one that is driving the damn things is taking them off-road or using them for any sorts of outdoorsy endeavors. I mean, come one, do you really think some pampered, hormone popping, menopausal society matron who lives is a 2.5 million dollar home is going off-road in anything other than a golf cart?

I realize I could just take my usual approach and hold back my judgment and allow that people are different than me...but when I'm paying close to two bucks per gallon of gas I can't help but think that the road is choked with these gas guzzling behemoths that consume gallon after gallon and spit it back out with a minimal return on mileage. As demand for gas goes up so does demand for oil and so do oil prices themselves.

I'm cutting myself off here before I wade into political commentary since this was just intended as a mild venting spurred by some yahoo on a cell-phone paying no attention to what she was doing as her fucking H2 was weaving in and out of her lane...suffice to say I'm not 100% behind my governments military moves over the past few years as I don't believe most of the move were primarily motivated by anything other than a concern for keeping that black gold flowing unobstructed in gas-tanks across this great nation of ours...

This just in!

Photogal just got the below e-mail, a pitifully obvious attempt to snatch here banking info so her identity can head for the high hills and spend her money on stuff she would never buy.

I am posting it, though, because the host of spelling errors is just too damn funny.

Lesson #1 in Identity Theft: Try to look professional, mkay?

Dear Citi-Card Users,
This email was sent by the Citi-bank serevrs to veerify your e-mail addres. You must cpoemtle this psrceos by clicking on the link below and enntering in the small window your Citbiank Debit full card nummber and PiN that you use on Atm. That is done for your pocerttion -q- because some of our memebrs no lengor have access to their email addrssees and we must verify it. To veerify your e-mail address and access your CitibankOnline account, click on
the link below. If nothing hapepns when you click on the link -F coppy and passte the link into the adderss bar of your web broswer.
link deleted
----------------------------------------
Thank you for using Citibank!
----------------------------------------
This automtaic email sent to: xxxxxxxx@msn.com
Do not reply to this email.

Lesson #2 in Identity Theft: There is no lesson #2. You shouldn't be stealing anyone's identity in the first place!

I am in a great mood. No, really!

I kicked mucho ass DJing last night and I think it's safe to say that between me and Rudy we totaled the bar through the power of music.

Unfortunately, and as usual, I just had about a mountain and a half's worth of work plop down on and around my desk so no chatty chatty for Tankie today.

However, over at Done Waiting, one of our little collective of writers, David Cobb, has penned an especially terrific rumination over music and it's relevance as you get older. I can tell you as a music fanatic getting along in years this piece struck especially close to home but I think it's the sort of thing everyone can relate to. Read it here.

David is also strangely obsessed with Chicago bands despite his never having lived in Chicago.

I love that! Chicago rocks so much harder than any other city...

Intellectually stymied.

So I'm taking the week between Christmas and New Year's off so I swear I'm going to get some PhD thesis sized writing done in that time. Lots of thoughts a-bubblin' but just no time to get it all out! I suppose this is the primary downside to being gainfully employed and would explain why so many artists with the time to say something profound are starving or living like leeches off boyfriends/girlfriends/patrons.

As usual, though, since it's Tuesday I will do my best tonight to sublimate any annoyance I might feel towards the forces conspiring to keep my innermost thought locked inside and will revel in the happiness unleashed by the wonderful choices spun by me and Rudy.

Greatest hits generally suck.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers have just released a "greatest hits" disc that covers their output over the last 12 years or so and its revisionist take is disturbing. Almost all of One Hot Minute is excluded and they are presented more as an "Adult Contemporary Ballad" band since over the last few years most of their hits have been in that category.

I have decided to make my own mix of the last 12 years and 8t will be decidedly more rockin'. As a matter of fact I find myself tending to create my own "greatest hit's" compilations from a number of bands because they either do not exist, as is the case with Pearl Jam and Radiohead, or they suck terribly, as in the case of RHCP mentioned above. Greatest hits are convenient for me to tote around when I DJ rather than lugging around an artist's entire back catalog so I tend to obsessively create these mixes.

Speaking of mixes, a friend of mine has generously offered up some bandwidth to me so expect the Tankboy mp3 mixes to kick off in a few days once I work the logistics out. When we do get started remember to visit this space every Monday through Friday so you don't miss a song!

Spot on.

Weird when you take a quiz and it actually seems to hit the nail on the head, eh?


You're Generally Indie. There's nothing wrong with
this. You like music all over the map and
aren't adverse to listening to some Top 40
here and there. You just know to comment that
The Neptunes are the best producers around
right now. You don't feel the need to debate
constantly with other music geeks, because you
know that Pavement were the best band of the
90s.

You Know Yer Indie. Let's Sub-Categorize.

Police brutality, regular procedure or misguided press?

Okay, so we all know about the altercation in Cleveland over the weekend that lead to a regrettable loss of life. We also all know that the cause of death has been ruled a homicide and that the victim's family is very upset. We also know that the video of the police subduing the victim is disturbing to say the least.

It's interesting to note, though, that most news hold the following points until the end of their reports or leave them out entirely.

- The homicide victim was under the influence of cocaine and PCP, among other things.
- The homicide victim suffered no blow to the head and only showed bruising on his thighs and buttocks.
- Defining someone as a homicide victim is not the same as defining someone as a murder victim. Homicide is a legal term meant as a descriptive and not a judgement.

I don't know what qualifies as justifiable force, but I do know that people whacked out on PCP are often uncontrollable due to the fact that they feel no pain and are basically completely out of their minds. While the loss of life is regrettable I really can't think the officers were doing anything that out of line.

What I find most interesting though is the way the media is unfairly covering this to blow up the whole racial aspect of this incident instead of covering it evenly as the drug fueled tragedy it really is.

God I fucking hate the mainstream media...

News got you down? Lighten up!

Tonight
at
The Beat Kitchen

Tankboy Presents
The Lovelies
Dig For Fire
Camera
Show at 10:00pm
$8 cover

Beat Kitchen
2100 W Belmont
(773.281.4444)

WTF!?

How did this piece of Juana Molina news get past me get past me? She is my favorite Argentinian singer -- who rarely plays in U.S. and never plays the Midwest -- and she is playing at The HotHouse here in Chicago tonight.

And of course the fucking show is sold out. Oh woe is me...

Oh Grammy where art thou (head)?

Fountains Of Wayne, a smart and cutting pop band, has had their most recent disc Welcome Interstate Managers nominated for a Grammy!

Unfortunately it's in the Best New Artist category. Why is this sad?

Well, their debut was in 1996 and this is their third album.

Thanks to my little brother for bringing this to my attention since I was unable to watch the nominations live on TV like I did last year. Come to think of it I was actually in New York when the announcement came last year and I remember thinking -- as Avril Lavigne butchered David Bowie's last name -- that I was a short subway ride away from Madison Square Gardens and being able to fulfill my life-long dream of slapping the shit out of the idiots in charge of the Grammys...

Please kill me.

My body is doing its best to fend off a rather unpleasant stomach flu right now. I gotta leave work early or I'm going to die. Unfortunately I have so much going on right now with various projects I just can't afford to be sick, damnit! I've decided to jot down some random thoughts to take my mind off my lurching stomach and images of my intestines doing an impersonation of a nest full of snakes writhing all over each other.

- My DJ skillz last night were dodgy at best as I struggled to keep it together and sweat out the sickness. My last set kicked much ass and almost vindicated the two earlier and much weaker sets. Luckily for me Rudy was all over his game and turned in one killer song selection after another so the evening turned out okay in the long run.

- The new Air album, Talkie Walkie, is so dreamy and pleasant and acts as if that abomination known as 10,000 Hz Legend never smudged the simple and clean lines set forth by Moon Safari.

- OutKast = Soul Music for the new Millennium

- I'm noticing that the sedentary lifestyle of the desk jockey is starting to have a visible effect on my waistline. In the olden days I biked or walked everywhere and that helped combat the natural lowering of metabolism that comes with the onset of aging but now that I commute to the 'burbs and sit in front of a computer 8+ hours a day I'm turning into a five-toed tree sloth. What does this mean? Tankboy must do the unimaginable. He must drag his sorry ass into a gym and fully capitulate as he joins the throngs of working class drones running on treadmills to melt off the same fatty accumulation attendant to a static lifestyle. Ugh.

- I'm working on the Tankboy Top 20 Albums for Done Waiting and it's proving much more difficult than I thought it would. A lot of really good music has come out this year. Yowza!

- Here's an idea. I love making mix CDs and want to make one for everyone that reads this site. My idea is I find some bandwidth where I post one mp3 a day, in the order of the mix, and loyal readers get to download 'em and at the end of twenty or so days they'll have enough tracks for their own personal Tankboy Mix CD. Come to think of it, I'd just like to post more odd and hard to find mp3s in general. The problem is I don't really have anywhere to host 'em? Anyone out there want to donate a little space to me for mp3 posting? Just an idea...

- Double ugh. Stomach beast is really unhappy and has decided to start doing calisthenics. I can type no more.

Which is it?

Which is the correct phrase to use when you discover that you are at fault?

"My bad."

"My bag."

Until I had to write it down I never really thought about it!

As if you couldn't guess...

...that after a holiday weekend I am so swamped and have noooo time for you right now, my little pretties.

Also, I'm smarting from telling the lead singer of the Detroit Cobras that I was glad she didn't have "man-hands" since her hands looked like "flippers" from the back of the room while she was on-stage.

She really is quite lovely but my big mouth knows just what to say at the wrong time. She zinged me back though with a rather withering remark about my, um, L'il Tankie and we toasted over Maker's Mark so all seems forgiven.

Holi-da-ay...cele-bra-yate...

I'm taking a break over the next few days but here's a quiz on all things Tankboy to keep you occupied.

TAKE THE TANKBOY QUIZ NOW!

This exercise in complete self-absorption comes via the influence of The Watergirl.

Fun!

Opus!

How did it get past me that Opus the Penguin was returning to the funny-pages?

In the '80s, Berkeley Breathed drew the strip trhat originally pushed me in the direction of being a cartoonist -- an occupation I let fall by the wayside only a few years ago in favor of rock and/or roll y writing -- and provided my first exposure to political commentary not voiced by stuffy old suits on Sunday morning talk shows.

Welcome back old friend. Can you give Steve Dallas a call for me?

They do all the work for you!

Want the most famous artists in the world to sing lyrics you compose?

Click here for massive fun!

Thanks to Zannah for this link.

Busy as a beaver building the Hoover Dam.

That's right, I'm swamped. The only thing getting me through this mountain of work this fine Friday is the latest offering from The Webb Brothers entitled, The Webb Brothers. Unfortunately this disc isn't available in the U.S.A. yet, and I haven't even been able to find an import version of it anywhere in Chicago, but one of the Webbs was nice enough to slip me a copy at The Darkness show Wednesday night.

First off, The Webb Brothers put in a phenomenal opening set that evening. This was no small feat considering the anticipation and giddy payoff of the show put on by The Darkness.

Secondly, their new disc is easily their best yet. I'm going to do a more in depth review over at Done Waiting in the next few days. However, with the addition of the third brother James to the core team of Justin and Christiaan the blood mingles and zings and zags and swims to the surface of a sweet blend of harmony and dissonance.

Huh? Read the review in a few days to find out what the heck that means in the larger context of things...

Fucking rock and/or roll!

I saw The Darkness last night and had my belief in rock and/or roll reconfirmed. My review can be found here along with some stunning photos courtesy of Photogal.

O.D.B. throws down the 411 on marketing.

The following are excerpts from an interview with Dirt McGirt a.k.a. Ol' Dirty Bastard that appeared in The Licensing Book. The interview was conducted by Heidi Minx. ODB throws down the basics of Marketing 101:

Guerilla marketing -- genius or overdone?

ODB: Genius. How else is anyone gonna know who you are?

Best quote you ever heard and chose to follow?

ODB: My mom always said God made Dirt and Dirt don't hurt.

What brand do you think is most on-target at: Specialty [stores]?

ODB: My teeth, those are special.

What campaign stood out most to you this year and why?

ODB: The free ODB campaign cause it got me back on the street!

If you could change one thing within your company, what would it be?

ODB: I would have liked to have thrown them out to the public quicker, my clothes that is, so I could please my fans.

What person do you most respect in this business and why?

ODB: Russell Simmons because he started the game of Hip-Hop and clothes with Phat Farm and Def Jam. I have always looked up to him for what he created -- I hope to create the same empire one day. Also, I have to say Damon Dash for giving me a second chance - he has built an empire as well.

___

Well, he is pretty spot-on about Simmons. That dude's a legend!

Are quickies as good for you as they are for me?

Well, as my department shrinks my workload grows all the heavier and more varied. Personally I like this because it means I'm never bored. On the downside that doesn't leave me with much time to gather any thoughts today.

That's fine. I should keep my mind as blank as possible in anticipation of seeing The Darkness at Double Door tonight. I am soooo stoked to see this over-the-top glam metal English powerhouse. It should be a blast. And a hoot. A hootin' blast!

I mean, just look at these frickin' photos! Now just try and tell me it won't be a boatload of good old fashioned dumb fun...

A minute for you, my sweet.

I am way too busy to regale you with tales of high intrigue and adventure today so if you want any of those drive to Chicago tonight, go to Ten56 and talk to me a Rudy while we DJ. Oh yeah, our friend Rick will be guesting on the laser guided wheels of steel as well so batten down the hatches and expect a boatload of Alkaline Trio to come your way.

What will I be spinning? Oh, stuff like:

Ryan Adams - Rock N Roll
Ellen Allien - Berlinette
The Bon Mots - Le Main Drag
The Desert Sessions - 9 & 10
The Dirtbombs - Dangerous Magical Noise
The Flaming Lips - Ego Tripping At The Gates Of Hell
Krokus - Headhunter
Mark Lanegan - Here Comes That Weird Chill...
Kylie Minogue - Body Language
Scissor Sisters - Filthy And Gorgeous
The Snow Fairies - Feel You Up
Sour Deluxe - White Noise
Twilight Singers - Black Is The Color Of My True Love's Hair
Rachael Yamagata – EP

…and remember, we are still truly and deeply cool…