Golly gee willikers, what happened to Tankboy?!

Glad you asked. This Sunday, on my way to vacation in Michigan to meet Photogal and her already vacationing family, my radiator decided to die and spew smoke all over the road thus rendering my car paralyzed. I pulled over and waited 2 ½ hours (thanks for the speedy response AAA) for a tow back to Chicago. Then I borrowed a friend’s car and repeated my trip with the primary difference that the second time my car didn’t break down within thirty miles of my goal. The downside? I got to our cabin after nightfall and was doomed to only enjoy the little town we were staying in for less than sixteen hours. Then I spent most of Monday driving home. Teee-rific.

Oh, but things get better. I think a timeline is best to tell the second half of this tale:

6:00 – Tankboy arises, eager to get to the office early since he has to DJ tonight.
6:15 – Tankboy smiles as he watches his dogs frolic adorably in the backyard. He absentmindedly scratches Chloe the Cat under her chin while sipping a cup of coffee. All is right with the world.
6:45 – Breakfast was delish. Truly.
7:15 – My brother has graciously lent me his car while mine is in the shop so I pull out of the garage and turn on the radio.
7:30 – Drop off DVDs¹ I’ve watched and then the dry cleaning.
7:45 – Hmmm…why is smoke coming up from the hood. Déjà vu.
7:46 – Why the fuck is the temperature gauge reading through the roof?!
7:50 – Thank god a gas station. Time to buy some coolant and see if that helps.
7:52 – Yipes! I guess, judging by the coolant turning to steam and trying to scald me, I should let the engine cool down some more!
8:00 – Is this long enough?
8:01 – Nope.
8:30 – Call my boss and tell her I might be late if I need a tow.
8:50 – I need a tow.
9:00 – AAA says they’ll get a tow-truck to me within the hour.
10:00 – AAA says they’ll get a tow-truck to me within the hour.
10:45 – The tow-truck arrives! Off goes my brother’s car back to the suburbs and off I go to catch the Blue Line into the city since Photogal has, rather bravely given my last two days’ track record with cars, offered me use of the most awesome and stereo-riffic Jeep Wrangler. (Yeah, I drive a ghetto car with personality; she drives a kick-ass car that people wave at.)
11:30 – I’m downtown and off the train.
11:31 – Why do people just stand on an escalator? Y’know it just makes sense to walk while the stairs are moving so you save time. Losers.
11:35 – Okay, why is this guy walking so slowly and why can’t I get around him. Fucking tourists.
11:37 – I can’t believe that semi almost backed into me. What the hell is going on?
11:45 – I arrive at Photogal’s office downtown. I am in less than the best of moods.
11:47 – I hear from my mechanic. I need a new radiator. It will cost me $302. I do not have $302. I am in debt. This completely sucks. I tell them to make the repairs figuring I might just sell my car for $302 and buy my brother’s car once it’s fixed.
11:55 – I hear from my brother. His car is safely in the ‘burbs, but he doesn’t know what’s wrong with it yet.
12:00 – Photogal walks me to her garage, and I take her most fabulous car.
12:01 – My hands are sweating as Photogal has made it plain that if anything happens to her car I am a dead man. No matter what, it will be counted as my fault. If a semi jumps off an overpass and lands on top of me it is my fault. If an airplane drops and engine on me it is my fault. If I get strafed by terrorist or insurgent gunfire it is my fault. You get the idea.
12:35 – I finally arrive at work.
12:45 – My brother calls me to tell me that his radiator needs to be replaced and it will cost him over $500. I begin to mentally adjust my car’s possible selling price upwards as I visualize my brother’s asking price escalating. I decide to start checking The Reader for used cars and decide to write many angry letters to Metra for not running a train out to where I work on a regular basis.
12:48 – I begin to get really bummed about how broke I am and begin to wonder if moonlighting as a stripper might pay the bills. I realize that given the trauma most women would suffer after seeing me naked I would only incur more bills as my court costs mounted. I instead decide it’s time to start booking more shows around town.

Also, maybe I should start selling Tupperware on the weekend?

ADDENDUM²
6:15 - Photogal calls to tell me she is at the garage and, even though I was told my car was done, the mechanic claims it needs another $300 of work done. I tell them to put the old radiator back in and am now weighing the option of a) pushing the car to another mechanic to get a second opinion or b) donating the durn thing to the American Lung Association and taking the tax write-off. The only thing that really has me stymied is that I have no idea how I'm going to get to and from work since no train runs out there...double grrrr...


¹Paycheck (not as bad as I thought it was going to be and rowr rowr Uma) and Dummy (tender and sweet and rowr rowr Milla.)

²Okay, I'll be honest here...I'm not sure if the Addendum should come before or after the footnotes, but in this case I'm going to guess it's after.