What the hell is this Votergasm thing you speak of?

Hi there. Jury duty was fun. The Roller Derby Party last night was about a million times more fun. Twisting Herb’s pencil eraser fake nipples at Liar’s Club last night was even more awesome. Due to all the fun I’ve had, though, I really need to get into work and catch up on some stuff before the weekend. My boss gets back in the country Monday so I want to make sure I can impress her with my high level of productivity while she was gone.

Did I mention my boss reads this from time to time?

Anyway, gotta get out the door, so I figured I’d do a nice little cut-and-paste thing for the Votergasm event we’re holding at Ten56 on Tuesday. Personally I signed up for Votergasm so I could be guaranteed Hot Election Night Sex™ with Photogal. You should sign up to just guarantee, if you should so choose, Hot Election Night Sex™. Here’s the letter I got from them today in advance of my own hastily slapped together Votergasm thingie:

Dear Votergasm party planner,

On November 2, America will choose its president--and, just as important, 35,000 sexy, patriotic Votergasm pledgers will choose their partners for hot, hot election-night sex. Your party will help make that possible, and I want to thank you for it.

If you've gotten this far, you probably don't need my help. But Votergasm is all about sharing, so here are a few tips for successful party planning:

Remember our disclaimers: pledge-fulfilling sex must be safe, consensual, legal, generous, and hot. Safe sex equipment can be found at Condomania.com. You might want to print out our disclaimers and post them at your party. A handy poster can be found here.

Download the sexy new Votergasm anthem, "Election Erection," and put it in your party playlist.

Serve Votergasm Cocktails, such as the "Vote on the Beach." (Voters under 21 should be served "virgin" cocktails; virgins over 21 should be served alcoholic cocktails.) Send us recipes at cocktails@votergasm.org and we'll send out the best ones around to all of you on Election Day. (Um, our party's at Ten56, so no one under 21 is allowed, virgin or no. Sorry.)

Play the Votergasm election-night drinking game. (Did I already suggest that you should set up a way for people to watch the election results come in? No? Okay: set up a way for people to watch the election results come in.) Again, we'll send you the rules on Election Day.

Go-go boys and go-go girls are a surefire way to "hot things up." Make sure dancing is legal at your party location. If your dancers are extremely hot, please send us their photographs and phone numbers.

Make people come. Let me rephrase that. Get people to show up at your party. Get it listed in local publications. Post flyers in student centers, coffee shops, bars, and the like. Customizable posters can be found here:

BOY
GIRL

Email your friends using our amazing electronic "e-mail" mailer (just click the "Invite a Friend" link next to your party on the event listing page).

Take pictures. After your party, upload your pictures to the Party Galleries section of our site.

Votergasm.org is a non-partisan, pro-partying, anti-non-voters organization; any overt political messages at parties are not endorsed by Votergasm.org.

Votergasm parties are for voters only. Non-voters can plan their own parties.

Thanks to you and the hundreds of Votergasm party planners across the country, thousands of sexy, patriotic Americans will forever remember November 2 as the orgy of civic participation that America's Founding Fathers intended. Your dedication to voting and sex inspires me, and the entire Votergasm team, every day and night.

Sincerely,

Michelle Collins
Spokeswoman and Director
Votergasm.org

I don’t have any go-go dancers signed up yet, but I figure we can always throw bras on Kip and Fagballs and stick ‘em in aluminum cages or something…