Dear Naked Guy at the Gym,

Would it kill you to put on a towel instead of just walking around transmitting your nakedness all throughout our rather cramped locker room? There’re actually a number of you of you but I feel that addressing you as a single faceless entity is a tad classier. No need to call out individuals in this situation. So while I appreciate the narcissistic glow you must bask in twenty-four hours a day I can assure you that we don’t need to see proof that you’re in good shape. At least not that closely.

I’ve let this go a long time since I was never sure what locker room etiquette really consisted of since I hadn’t stepped foot in a gym since high school when I started out. But I’ve been going pretty religiously for well over a year now and I think it’s time to take my stand.

Just because we have a social compact whereupon we avert our eyes at flashes of nakedness this does not give you a right to just walk around leaving your towel on your bench (which is incidentally where I was about to put my gym bag.)

You know what finally caused me to snap? I walked into the locker room yesterday and there stood a naked guy in the center of the room…talking on his cell phone.

I mean, c’mon.

So please Naked Guy at the Gym, for all of our peace of mind, wrap a towel around your waist like the rest of us, okay?

And you, Really Fat Naked Guy who insists on sitting on the stools with no underwear…you, I’ll talk to later.