Five of the most positive words I know.

“You’re doing it all wrong!”

That’s one of the nicest things someone can say to you. I guess that statement holds some resonance for me because of its genesis and maybe that’s why it’s appropriate for this situation.

Okay, so years ago a college roommate of mine was dating this girl. She was a rather demanding and particular type who had to have things “just so” and wasn’t afraid to make her wishes known. So this college roommate of mine and this girl would occasionally (okay, maybe more than occasionally) do those things that boys and girls do when they feel like getting all hot and squishy with each other. in the midst of all this hot squishiness, as my roommate would be doing his damndest to both have a good time and please his special little friend she would invariably shout out, “You’re doing it all wrong!” and then proceed to instruct my roommate exactly how he should proceed from there.

On one hand this story always makes me laugh, but on the other hand I think it sort of fits my current situation. I mean, my friend obviously wasn’t doing it all wrong or his special little friend would never agree to get all hot and squishy with him over and over again. But he apparently did need a little direction for everything to work out perfectly, and I’m of the opinion that’s not such a bad thing. In my life right now I feel like I’m on the right track but it might not hurt for someone to sort of call me out and demand something a little more focused out of me.

To a certain extent Photogal does this, and I appreciate it, since many of my weaknesses are mirrored by her strengths and I’ve gained years of wisdom through her examples that would have taken me much longer to build up on my own…if ever. However I do find I kind of miss the push and pull of the classroom's words and academia at those moments when things were actually operating at a level that could be considered provocative. I had quite a few excellent teachers in my day but none made as much of an impact on me as the one that pulled me aside after class once to discuss a paper I had written. He pointed out that I had fulfilled all the requirements of the assignment perfectly, that the paper was incredibly well written and that I had a unique voice that came through even in the midst of a dusty academic assignment. However, he also pointed out, I didn’t actually say anything. As a matter of fact it was obvious to him that I actually went to great pains to avoid saying anything. And he was right. As a matter of fact most of my papers written up until that point followed that pattern since I realized most of my professors – and their students -- were just going through the motions¹ so I may as well just amuse myself and dazzle them with so much nothingness. From that point on, though, I made a point to reverse my old habits and realized that I felt much more fulfilled knowing that I was stretching my own mind with each assignment…even if no other teacher seemed to care. Regardless I had grown up a bit more and become a better person.

So there you have it, if you really care about someone don’t be afraid to tell them that “they’re doing it all wrong” since that could possibly be precisely the thing they need to hear.

¹This reaction was also one of the primary reasons I dropped out of my first Major in the visual arts. I hated namby-pamby critiques where everyone was super nice to each other. What the fuck did that do for anyone? I didn’t really care what was right with my work, I wanted to know what was wrong with it so I could either disagree or get off my ass to eradicate my weaknesses.