Tonight’s Rules.

I figure I may as well lay out a few ground rules before the big birthday bash tonight, just to avoid any unpleasantness.

1. Don’t bother buying me any shots. I’m going to turn them down because I’ll be too drunk already. Thanks anyway, honestly.
2. Any hard evidence (photos, DNA samples, moving picture films) of me being a complete and total idiot must be approved by me the next day before you go posting my stumbling ass all over YouTube.
3. No, I’m not playing any Doobie brothers tonight, so just don’t even ask. That one’s played out for now.
4. Yes, I’ll probably play Kelly Clarkson. It too is played out but I don’t care.
5. Tip the fuck out of the bartenders, even when it’s crowded and it takes a little longer to get to you. They’ll be working their asses off tonight.
6. If you see Kip sidling up beside you, keep your drink above “wing-wang level” or you might be in for a surprise.
7. Dance. To the DJ. To the bands. To your own beat.
8. Have fun.

I’ll see you in a few hours.