Shouldn't toddlers be teetotalers?

Let's hear it for my nephew guzzling them down! What a genius idea. Lots of people seem to lose the power of coherent speech after a few drinks, but since my nephew doesn't really speak yet he need never fear losing that particular ability to the (liquor) bottle! Hear hear!

Har de har, I know. It reminds me of a story in my baby book that recounts my first brush with drunken stumbling. I was a wee one, probably under one or two I think, and my dad was watching TV with me. He got us to go outside and left the margarita he had been enjoying unattended. When he returned the margarita was lying on the ground and yours truly was lying down right next to it. Luckily, somehow, I didn't get alcohol poisoning.

I avoided the bottle entirely after that...until I was eight or so. I was upset with my brothers over something so I did something I had seen daddy do when he was upset with something. I went to a certain shelf by our bar, pulled down a bottle, filled a cup in the shape of the Kool-Aid Guy (okay, my dad used a different glass) and topped it off with rum. My mother made me go to school the next day with a ferocious hangover to teach me what a dumb mistake I made. I didn't drink again until high school and even then I think I got a later start than most of my classmates. I actually was more of a druggie back then since it fit my romantic ideal of the experimental intellectual.

So why do I booze it up now? Alcohol definitely made a roaring comeback into my life in my late teens/early twenties. Since then my liquid buddy and I have had our differences and the bottle has gotten me into some pretty sticky and/or embarrassing and/or completely stupid situations. So what does drinking do for me? How is it really helpful?

It's too early for Psychoanalysis 101 but I do know part of the answer lies in booze and social situations. I never drink at home. I don't even drink at family parties when everyone else is dipping into the cooler full of beer cans. I rarely even have a glass of wine when dining at a fancy schmancy restaurant. But get me in a club or bar or rock and/or roll show and a shot glass just seems to staple itself to my lip. Same thing goes for smoking. As a matter of fact, if I never went out to a bar again I could probably quit drinking and smoking with absolutely no problem.

The catch, of course, is that music -- and the clubs it is played in -- is a central part of my character. Screw character, it's a central part of who I basically am. I'm not sure I could divorce myself from that part of me even if I wanted to, but I really wouldn't want to. One guy I know, who was in my same predicament, eventually quit his band, quit his life here, got married and moved to a different city to separate himself from the temptations that drew him towards the stupid situations alcohol is oh so helpful in facilitating. I don't know if I could just leave everyone I know behind like that but that does certainly seem to be an effective way of tackling the issue.

Now don't worry, I'm not suffering some sort of existential crisis here. I'm just trying a little self-examination in hopes of growing a little bit more into the man I'd like to end up being. When you look at the partying Tankboy of just two or so years ago and compare him to the current model they barely even look alike. I am much more subdued now and don't get out nearly as much as I used to. However when I do go out, I seem to replicate the drinking patterns (and sometimes behavior) of early-Twentysomething Tankboy.

So maybe that's it. It's a self-control thing. All I've got to do is figure out what triggers the failure of the "No thanks, I've had enough" mechanism and I'll be free and clear.