Freaky about history.

Well, tomorrow marks the anniversary of me surviving yet another year on Earth. The older I get I find I begin to reflect more and more on what sort of legacy I'm going to leave behind. I mean, will guys be traveling thousands of miles just to kiss a marble bust of me like the wacko to your right? Well, at the rate I'm going probably not.

So that makes me think. What exactly am I doing with my life? By now I should have already published a short story collection or something. By now I should be teaching English to a room full of college-aged idealists. By now I...I don't know.

Here's what I do know. There are a lot of things I thought I would have done by now that just haven't happened yet. On the other hand, there's lots of stuff I've gone through that I never could have imagined in the first place. Ultimately the only thing that's truly relevant is how I feel about where I am right now, right? Do I think I am on the right path? Are my internal pollsters pleased with the direction in which I'm taking myself?

And the answer is yes, I think I'm doing things just about right. I'm happy for the most part. I've got a good life with good friends and a number of fulfilling ways to express myself. Compared to most -- probably the vast majority sharing space with me on this big blue marble -- I'm doing just fine.

When I was younger I used to obsess about my “legacy.” I wanted to break the back of post-modernism and create a new modern art movement. Then I wanted to become a famous author who only wrote on his own terms. Then I wanted to be the lead singer in a rock and/or roll band that would rival U2 as a world force. I had grand plans and to a certain extent I think I still believe in those hopes and dreams. However I'm no longer willing -- not that I really think I did in the first place -- to beat myself up over what I haven't done when what I have done is so much more substantial and fulfilling on a personal level. In the grand scheme of things I know I will leave my mark on the world, I'm just not completely sure how that's going to happen yet. And I'm pretty sure that simple realization -- that what we have done is actually more important than what we haven't -- is the key to truly growing up.