Monday, June 27, 2005

This fragile package.

So I learned some news this weekend about a guy I know that literally had the blood draining out of my face. A month ago he went to the hospital because he had pneumonia and while he was in there they found a lump. The lump turned out to be connected to lung cancer. Last Friday close friends of his got the call that they might want to make it to the hospital to say goodbye. A month ago he was fine. Hale, hearty, my age, in better shape than I am and without a clue that he was sick. A month ago.

This scares the hell out of me. People aren't supposed to be dying from cancer at my age. It's just way too young.

I'm hoping I'm wrong and some sort of miracle happened over the weekend and this guy will be okay. I'm hoping that I don't have to hear that anyone else I know getting so suddenly sick. I'm hoping I never have to deal with my own or anyone else's mortality when it's so obviously too early to be expected to deal with it.

But I’m realizing those are all probably unrealistic hopes and that time really is a lot more precious and fleeting than I realized. And I’m thinking I haven’t done nearly enough to leave a proper legacy yet so now it’s time to really start to think about how I want to go about doing that. My dad’s death caused me to lose focus for a while as I muddled through and tried to deal with the blow to my psyche, but this news has me at least wanting to regain the focus I lost when he left and really buckle down and stop wasting time.

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