Monday, March 02, 2020

Why I will survive the coronavirus / COVID-19.

Attack cat!
I mean, I’ve always been good about the whole hand washing thing. And the fact that so many articles seem to focus on how to properly wash your hands frightens me primarily because that means so many people simply don’t wash their hands properly. Ew! But they ain’t gonna get me that!

And the face touching thing—I’ve gotten pretty good about being aware of when I’m touching my face because I own a cat and enjoy petting my cat but don’t enjoy inviting the risk of pink eye or other maladies into my life. So I’m very good about keeping the ol’ hands away from my face when they aren’t freshly washed. For the most part. I still occasionally have to rub my temples or slap my forehead in real life situations, but at least I’m not randomly sticking my digits into my mouth or constantly rubbing my eyes or wiping my nose with the back of my hand.

I have no current international travel plans, and due to the hard work of one DFW you’re not gonna find me on a cruise ship any time soon (or probably ever, unless someone wants me to write a lesser sequel to his original).

I no longer drink alcohol, I get 30+ minutes of physical activity 7 days a week (supplemented by at least 5+ days at the gym each week), and I get 8+ hours of sleep a night now. In other words, my immune system is probably in the best shape it’s ever been. In fact, I’m a relative freaking superhuman specimen right now!*

Despite the looks from my neighbors who doubted my decision to begin a construction project during a Chicago winter, the moat around my apartment building is almost complete. I changed my plans to fill it with lava, so it’s currently filled with egg shells.*** Sharp little egg shells! No one’s walking across those.**** And just wait until all that creates a fertile bed for thick vegetation to densely grow in, blocking all access to my building via conventional means. Genius!

And of course, Pickle the Kitten is a trained attack cat, so I’m covered there if anyone manages to make it across that moat.

So I’m safe! How are your preparations going for the end of the world as we know it?

*Until I look in the mirror shirtless each morning as I get ready and ponder if more time at the gym is in order and at all possible. Who cares abut the underlying state of the system when my vanity is at risk?!**

**Truly spoken like someone not facing a life-threatening illness, yet.

***It pays to read

****The only way into my building is via secret underground tunnel, and I bet you thought I would slip and tell you where the entrance to said tunnel lies above the ground. I wasn’t born yesterday!

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